Yes, No, Or maybe so?
by EnchantedSparklez
Summary: "At first I say no, turning my back to Peeta. He knows not to argue with me. My decisions are always final, always precise. He says a quiet, "Alright." As he goes back to kneading his bread dough. Guilt twinges inside me. Only Peeta, with his gentleness, would ask a question of such." Just a short story on Katniss's take on intimacy with Peeta. Rated T for now, could change later


**The last part of Yes, No, Or maybe so? Hope you enjoy it! I spent quite a while on the ending especially.**

 **Rated: T**

It was the kind of dream that was more vivid than usual. I am not talking about the kind that makes you wake up in puddles of sweat, or the kind that wakes you up, and makes you cry.

I am talking about the kind that you wake yourself up from your screaming, the kind that you wake up with a puddle of tears around you. I am talking about the kind of dreams that drive you on the brink of insanity.

I lost my sanity long ago, with little hope to bring it back. What brung some of it back, was definitely no 'what'. It was a who, and it was Peeta. And now suddenly, her basis of dreams are mainly driven with what Peeta has been bugging her with. Now she really believes her sanity is gone forever.

It's the same dream every time. I dream that the games never ended. Peeta and I are mentors, mentoring children after children, them all dying in wasteful, bloody deaths. I dream Peeta and I had a kid, due to our intimacy.

Our child is reaped into the games. No, not someone else I love. No. Beg someone to volunteer. I volunteer myself. Someone says no. They take my child. We are on the train. Peeta and I train her to the best of our abilities. She's only 13. She can't die. Not someone else. Not someone else. Why did this happen? She's thrown into the arena. She runs straight to the cornucopia. She reached for a knife. An arrow goes through her head. _No! NO!_ I scream.

I wake myself up from my thrashing and my echoing, loud 'No's.' bouncing off the blank walls of the house. My pillow is soaked with either tears, or sweat. It's probably both. I turn over to Peeta, who is looking at me wide-eyed.

"It's okay. It's okay. Come here Katniss." He says, reaching for me. I immediately scoot up next to him, laying down on the crook of his arm. He pulls me even closer than I thought we could be. He wraps his other arm around me, almost completely enclosing me in him. I shake my head to the best of my abilities, since my head is basically almost wrapped up with his arms.

"I can't do this. Any of this. I am sorry Peeta. I can't do it though. I am going to go crazy. Please, no." I say. I am nearly gasping for air.

Somehow, he knows what I am talking about. "I get it. It's okay. We don't have to. Calm down. It's okay." He says, trying to soothe me to the best of his abilities.

I do calm down, but it takes hours. And he stays awake with me right up until the moment I actually do manage to fall asleep, but it's only for a few hours. I can't stand more than that. Too much of a threat of being thrown into that dream again.

Peeta keeps refreshing my memory on how he said we don't have to do it. That only calms me down in the moment, but I still have threatening dreams about it. I fear that these dreams and this newly reborn fear that it is here to stay.

I never have a break from the dream, it happens _every night._ Same exact dream, and it wakes me up in the same exact way. I hope to god that I will atleast get use to it, waking up in less dramatic ways.

I become more depressed, more than usual when I have episodes of dreams like this. I don't feel like eating. Peeta puts down plates for me, plates of food that I would usually inhale the second it was set down. Instead, I stare into the fire, letting the food sit there till it gets cold.

Peeta keeps it by me for a little bit longer, until he gives me a sad smile and quietly pulls it away, heading to the sink with it.

Haymitch joins us for lunch one day, which is of no use because I let my food sit cold. I play with it with my fork, staring at it as if I was bored. I could feel Peeta eyeing me out of the corner of his eye, hoping I have eaten something.

I had to admit, I did lose a little weight. Not much to become alarmed, but nonetheless, it worried Peeta.

Haymitch started chuckling, "God damn, I can see the pounds dropping off you! Are you on a diet, sweetheart?" Haymitch said, shaking his head and drinking straight from the bottle of his expensive white liquor. His words rubbed me the wrong way, and I looked him straight in the eyes, giving him a look.

He realized in that moment that wasn't the best thing to say, "Okay, not funny." I nodded my head fiercely, "You know, you seem to make a lot of damn jokes that aren't funny." I say, slamming my fork on the plate. It makes a loud clanking sound that echos as I stand up without another word, and walk up the stairs.

I don't cry at all during this. I am too emotionally exhausted.

Only a couple of nights later, I go into a complete meltdown. I wake up, screaming. This time, I stay screaming as I realize I am still awake. I scream until my throat feels so tender I can't even talk. It scared the living hell out of Peeta, looking over to me, seeing my eyes wide open and screaming.

He jumped out of bed, thinking someone was in our house. He soon realized that there was no one actually there, but in my head I saw dozens of dead people around us.

"Katniss, Katniss! Shut your eyes! It's not real, it's not real!" He explained hurriedly, trying to get me to calm down.

I did as he said, but only to see the exact same thing as when I had my eyes open. I shook my head, screaming and crying at once. He held me close, whispering kind words in my ear. I gasped as I tried to regain my breath. He stroked the back of my head gently, letting me soak his shirt with my tears.

He shushed me after many hours of coaxing me to lay down. I knew I wasn't going to sleep for a while yet, and I was surprised to see Peeta wasn't either. Each time I threatened to break into a bundle of tears again, he shushed me softly, rubbing my shoulder, or my back, or lightly playing with my hair. Lucky for him, it calmed me down enough. All that was left of me was an extremely red face, puffy eyes, and a hiccup that happened periodically.

I kiss him as much as I need to, which happened every other minute. It gave me a feeling of closeness, and a sense of security. He happily accepted them, giving me just as warm as a kiss back.

I think he knew that I just plainly needed him right now.

That's when a hunger raised up from my belly, a hunger for even more closeness. Peeta and I both knew that is was born of emotional need.

And after, I took comfort in knowing that I did it on my own terms.

 **Well, that's it! I wasn't sure how I should end it, so I considered this conclusion, and I am actually very happy with it! What do you think of the ending? Leave reviews, it helps me with my writing! Thanks for reading, and until next time!**


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